With You in May, I Was Blown Away....

I am positively gobsmacked by God's goodness.

May has really been a month where I've seen His faithfulness in ministry, even when I felt inferior, tired, restless, etc. etc.

We have raised 20% of our monthly support so far....it doesn't seem like a lot in writing, but we are right on track and will continue to hope and pray that people will respond positively to the ministry vision we are casting, and show interest in coming on board. One of the best parts of it all is getting to partner with Frank. We've always been partners, but this is the first time I feel he is working alongside me and getting excited about it. It's really blessed me. I sure do like him :)

Last Tuesday was our first rehearsal of the summer. Usually we have between 12-15 dancers at our recruitment meeting and then we grow throughout the season. On Tuesday, we had THIRTY signed up! That is crazy! And so fun!!! :) For the first time ever, our adults outnumber our teens - and the teens we have are OUTSTANDING. The middle schoolers are so sweet and fun, and the high schoolers are the ones that really want to be there, and are interested in serving the Lord.

Of course, we will miss the ones who couldn't return for various reasons - they are also amazing. Gosh, we are just lucky to have a blessed group. Alright I will stop gushing because it is BORING to read, I am sure!

Here is a portion of our Project 365 crew dancing at the Sacramento County Fair:

Then, this weekend, Christian Arts Exploration (CAE), our children's creative arts ministry, sang and danced their way through their spring showcase. It was called 'The Crayon Box" and was color themed. Each skit, song and choreographed piece represented a different color in God's rainbow, and it featured 20 children aged 4-12. They did fantastic!!!!

All of the kids, give or take a few :)
As you can tell, they were SUPER nervous about their performance ;)

I got some loves from a bunch of the kiddos before the show.

They are so fun, I am excited for all that summer will bring! <3

Heatstrokes and Hallelujahs!

Ami came up with the title for this blog. I think it captures yesterday completely.

Turning Point had the opportunity to dance at Orangevale Pow Wow Days, which we were also invited to last year, but dropped out at the last minute because it was so hot outside. This year it was no different, but in my stubborn determination to not become flake of the century, I insisted we go no matter how sweltering it was outside.

Some of the dancers came to brave the heat with me, and it ended up being a really great day! I love our touring opportunities, it is always a positive experience in one way or another.

Frank and Sam came with me in the morning to help set up the booth, and we had a breakfast picnic in the park before people got there, and then the dancers came and we sat in the booth and tried to stay cool until it was time to dance :)

Some of the poor groups who went before us decided to do demos, and couldn't get anyone to come out onto the grass to join in, because nobody wanted to move out of the shade. We met a super sweet and energetic lady named Sunny Field who ended up kind of teaching herself line dancing but acted like she had 100 participants. What a cool reminder to keep your head up even when you feel you're talking to emptiness.

Then when it was time for our group to perform, it was still just so much fun even though it was sweltering and the audience was sparse. Everyone in the booths listened intently to Ami and Johanna sharing their testimonies, and then these two old men got on the phone with their grandchildren who dance at Sierra College and told them that they had to get in touch with us and join.

Then, best of all, the director of the entire event....she said she was a Christian and that she would like to join our dance team. So I look forward to potentially seeing her at our first summer rehearsal on Tuesday :)

Here are some of us in our cute booth. I was very grateful to Diana for thinking about bringing chairs, and the Bell family for bringing the canopy...otherwise our "cute booth" would have consisted of a few planks of wood, some paper taped onto the front, and us....melting.....

That's me in the middle...I am not sure what I am saying, but probably something to the effect of..."Holy guacamole it is impressively warm outside today!"

Us dancing in the grass, because it was too hot to use the stage. Unless doing double turns in lava is your goal, of course. But it was fun and we were spunky :)

Cooling off after our performance. Did I mention it was hot outside yesterday? ;)

Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

Most of the time, I'm a pretty content person. I love my job, my ministry, my friends and of course our little family. But I go through these periods of extreme annoyance, and right now there is plenty in life to annoy me. But this blog post is only about one of those many things on my mind right now.

I am annoyed that Sam has to go back to the hospital on Monday.

Even though it's been 7 months already since he came home to live with us, it seems like only yesterday I spent hours of every day staring into his little box (and thankfully eventually a real crib) and whispered to him to hurry up and grow. Get better Sam, there's a whole world I am really excited to show you!

Having a baby in the hospital for 3 months is no fun. You won't hear me complain beyond that, because he was treated like royalty by the nurses and doctors, we could not have asked for better care for him - but when he was discharged from the hospital in October, it seemed as if we couldn't get him home fast enough.

The most difficult part of the entire hospital stay was his second surgery a few weeks before he went home. Afterward, they couldn't control his pain level properly, and so what I first saw after surgery was this helpless tiny body covered in tubes and wires, breathing off oxygen and twitching and convulsing slightly from the post-surgery pain. I felt helpless and then sick to my stomach, and it was the first time in 3 months I actually had to physically walk away from my little baby in order to maintain my composure.

But he recovered quickly and now is a chubby, incessantly cheerful little miracle that kicks and laughs and bangs spoons on the tables at restaurants.

Monday, he has to go back. And I refuse to believe it is only two days away. I keep telling myself this is different - it's a reconstructive surgery - it doesn't involve vital internal organs like the other two did. He is older, bigger and stronger - his body can handle it much better, and his risks are much lower. But on the flip side, I also know there are going to be tubes, wires and pain again.

And I have a feeling that 15 pounds of Sam is going to feel exactly like watching 2 pounds of newborn Sam all over again.

I hate Monday already.

Diverging Perspectives

I have all but run out of ideas on how to keep Sam amused during the day. Now that he can sit up, it's a lot easier, but we still have the preemie conundrum - jumparoos and other amusements that other 9 month (really 7 month old) babies enjoy are either forbidden or not within his ability yet.

So mom gets antsy/creative in the afternoons.

Today I stole a really easy idea after googling "what to do with a 9 month old" (ah, the modern mom)- fill a baby bottle with rice and you have an instant noise maker. I filled a big bottle for me and a little one for Sam, and I went to work forming our afternoon rock band.

Problem one - it's a bottle, right? So Sam tried to make it an afternoon snack.

Then I took the bottle away, and tried to rationalize him that it was a TOY not food, and that he should SHAKE not chew. This is the face I got.

Then I gave up, and shook mine, which was apparently the funniest thing in the world. He laughed and laughed, look at mommy the idiot singing and dancing around with a plastic bottle of rice. He loved it.

In the end, he gave his rice bottle a half hearted shake, as if to appease my efforts. But he got such a kick out of watching me do it and banging it with his hands. I suppose that's what life is all about - finding something to smile about and harvesting joy out of everything you can - even if it doesn't stick within your original plans and what you hoped for.

I've always wanted to visit the South, and now that I have gone, I've officially decided that I was meant to be a Southern Belle instead of a California....boring person? But anyway, outside of that, we had a fantastic time with Matt & Emily this weekend in Little Rock. I learned so much and it was great to get a weekend away to refresh and recharge after the performances.

It's probably not so important to note that United did everything within its power to keep us away from Arkansas. The story goes as follows:

*We get to the airport on Thursday afternoon

*Our plane leaves 2 hours late due to a "mechanical error"

*Despite the captain's valiant attempt at flying 120 knots over the legal speed, we still miss our Denver connection

*United gives us (and a bunch of other now plane-less people) vouchers for a hotel room and $30 for dinner - score!

*Oh but then it turns out the hotel voucher was for a non-existent hotel - it had changed ownership over a year ago and did not accept the vouchers.

*So BACK to customer service we went, where we got new vouchers for a hotel 23 miles away!

*We FINALLY got to the hotel at 9:30 at night, and had dinner.

Then I thought to myself, "Self, this is one of the few times you haven't had to worry about a baby for months, what shall you do?"

I decided on eating vanilla ice cream while taking a bubble bath, which I believe was a brilliant choice.

The next day, before we attempted again to get to Arkansas, Frank went to the check-in desk to make absolute sure our bag was still going to Little Rock. The woman assured us that it was scheduled to be on the first flight there, which happened to be our flight too. So.....woo hoo?

I wish! We landed in Little Rock, got great hugs from Em and the kids, and then low and behold our bag wasn't there. We went to the United desk, where there wasn't anyone there for 20 minutes and we finally gave up and walked away.

Frank, by some weird fluke, happened to find out bag at the DELTA office, even though they said they didn't carry bags for other airlines. Our bag had gone on a flight through Atlanta with Delta, and no one bothered to tell us.

Stupid United. Don't fly with them! They are meanies!

So we got to Arkansas, and I just love Little Rock. It is so cute, and almost all of the houses have brick (one of my dream house components :) ), and they have BANANA PUDDING PIZZA, which is my new favorite dessert. I ate it on Friday night, and I seriously have not been able to focus on anything since, it completely changed my life.

Fortunately, in reality I could focus a little, because Matt & Emily had some amazing training for us. We got to see the gorgeous Family Life campus, and then we got down to business. I feel 10,000 times more equipped and ready to meet the goals God has set before me. And I also feel much more in sync with Frank when it comes to those goals, and over all it was just a totally blessed weekend where I learned a LOT, and really got some time to reconnect with the Lord in little, special ways.

Now......I pray for the funds and the people. And a great meeting with Scott on Wednesday. I know the Lord will provide, just like He always does.

I am so glad we reconnected with Emily. She was Frank's friend in high school, then I stole her ;) Then we lost touch and I never stopped thinking about her and wondering what she was up to. Right when I gave up, she found me on myspace, and now I hope we never lose track of each other again! They have a FANTASTIC ministry in Little Rock, and if you are looking to support a wonderful couple dedicating their lives to helping preserve marriage and family, Em's blog is here.

Central High School, site of desegregation during the civil rights movement:

Paying homage to the Larry's Pizza Buffet (aka home of my beloved banana pudding pizza:Matt & Emily's cute kids puddle splashing by the Farmer's Market in Little Rock:

My favorite cute southern children :) :

We love Matt & Emily:
This one's for my dad, haha. :

Sam stayed behind in California. He'll have to wait till Hawaii for his first plane trip. He is doing great, though:

Project 365 Ends...And Yet Begins

Tonight a bunch of the adult cast members of Project 365 went out for Mexican food and enjoyed a little unwinding after this past whirlwind weekend. Things are moving forward, and there's no looking back, but a few awesome things I do want to share about Project 365 before I officially say goodbye to it!

1) Everyone seemed to really enjoy it, both audience and performers. It was definitely a blessed production.

2) In some aspects, it seems to be spreading like wildfire. We have booking requests up the yazoo, and I am praying that the Lord will give me good discernment with choosing our touring dates and locations.

3) I love that I've already heard about people doing a real life Project 365. I've seen people wearing the ribbons Sarah made, a few of the dancers have reached out to others in Christ's love already, and I've received anonymous letters and emails from strangers thanking the ministry for what they did the past two weeks.

It is crazy humbling, and such a huge blessing to be part of a ministry that is a not-so-common way to honor our Lord.

We had a fantastic final show. Great energy, packed theatre....God just was with us the whole way through and everyone walked away from it feeling really good about the run.

Here's some videos of my favorite dances from the show, for those of you who didn't get to see it:

This is probably one of my favorite dances I've gotten to choreograph, even though I felt like we needed paramedics on hand whenever we did it. We were all so tired! I think we're taking this one to Trinidad, so good luck to us dancing it in extreme humidity.


Ami choreographed this, and it took some of us FOREVER to learn. It felt like a huge geometry exam sometimes...but I love the way it turned out and I'm so proud of her and everyone who was in it.


Alisha is an amazing hip hop dancer, and everyone who got to be in her dance had an absolute blast:


I choreographed this one, and tried to use as many of the girls as possible. I didn't get everyone, but probably 75% and I was so proud of them:


Amber's dance - it followed Elizabeth's death scene, so if you saw the show, it was actually really sad. Lots of the beginner girls were totally victorious in this one:


Jasmine's dance was my favorite one i got to dance in. This is probably going to be the final evidence of my long hair for awhile - I'm sick of it! :)

"Slow Me Down" from Project 365 from Frank Warta on Vimeo.

Dancers, all photos can be found here
Jesus, thanks for being so nice ;)

When we tuck in Sam at night, we are pretty much guaranteed these days that he will not be in the same position in the morning. Sometimes we find him on his tummy, holding onto the crib bars and peering through, waiting for someone to come find him. Other times, he has rotated a complete 180 degrees in the crib. Here are a few photos from this morning:

I feel terrible for his future wife, who may have to deal with his spinning, turning and tenting while unconscious. Hope they get a really big bed.

This past weekend, we did the March of Dimes March for Babies walk. Sam earned almost $1000 to be pushed in his stroller for 6 miles, while the rest of us sucked it up and walked. It was a beautiful day at the Capitol, and it made for a few fun photo ops.

Sam was all smiles at the start of the walk. He loves to people watch and be outside.

Sam's cousin Kayla had a lot of fun pushing the stroller through downtown. They adore each other, and she can always get him to smile.

He tuckered out by mile 3.

Okay guys, I'm done. Let's go get burgers.

Woweee!

Sometimes God uses us to bless others at exactly the right time!

I was having a week....not a good or bad week, but just a week. Ping ponging between confidence in what I do, and total despair that I am not the right woman for the job.

Today I received an envelope with just my first name on it, and inside was another envelope and two notes. The first note was addressed to the cast of Project 365, commending them on a job well done. The second note was addressed specifically to me, thanking me for the ministry and instructing me to do with the envelope what I felt was best for Turning Point.

Inside the envelope was $250.

Since the person wanted to be anonymous, I have no clue who to thank. I'll be sending a thank you note back through the person you sent the gift through, but until then, THANK YOU! You completely blessed me and made my day!!!! I will be photocopying the note to the dancers and handing it out so they can see it, read it, and smile :)

Thank you <3

Well, it finally happened! Project 365 opened on Saturday evening. It was a crazy long day, because we had a final run through that morning, then a giant move over to the theatre, then dress rehearsal, and THEN the first performance!A huge THANK YOU to the Laursens, aka Mountain Mike's Pizza royalty, that gave us free pizza for our cast and crew before the show! They pulled out all the stops, we even got dessert pizza, yum :)

Then the show began! It turned out in the end, that the audience and the performers had a very different experience. The audience has reported that it was a good show, with just a couple of missed lines here and there. What was ACTUALLY happening backstage was that our tech crew missed a lot of cues, and it made things a bit messy. It was a total bummer, since we were using the theatre’s professional sound & lighting company (there’s $50 an hour we’ll never see again!), but was also a blessing because Mr. Mistake Maker was actually a really nice guy and as far as I could tell, everyone got along really great with him :)

One of our cast members is battling cancer, and this has been no secret. Some of us have prayed ferociously for him, and the performance turned out to just be too much for him. Especially when you take into account the 15 hour day we had from start to finish. During Act 2, things went a little nuts, and he ended up having to leave before the performance was over. Fortunately, some of the younger actors in the show turned out to be total ad libbing rockstars and covered up the absence better than I could have ever hoped or expected. Everyone pulled together, and we really experienced a ministry moment that taught us a ton!

Sunday (yesterday’s matinee) was FLAWLESS. Okay not really, but it was pretty darn spectacular! We had more people than seats, and the dancers and actors were AMAZING! God totally anointed it all! I was super happy that Bekie came and brought a friend, and Sharlotte (one of Sam’s primary nurses), came with her husband. Alan, Amy, my whole family and Frank’s whole family came to opening night too, so it was a pretty sweet weekend :)

One of the people who received one of our free outreach tickets now wants to get her daughter involved in our dance program (woo hoo!) and some of our opening night audience came back for the Sunday show to see it again.

I think the majority of the cast and crew felt victorious and blessed, and that is a great gift too! Next week after our final two shows, I will have actual pictures and video of it – but right now I don’t want to give anything away for those of you still coming!

Next week, recruiters from Rock the Block California will be coming to see the show and "audition" us for further opportunities, and a filmmaker will also be stopping by to do a piece for his TV show about the children we used for the production and the process of dance ministry in general.


Exciting stuff!

Me & Kelly backstage at Project 365 @ the NCDC theatre

Brandi & Diana overheating backstage after a dance

What do you do with Easter eggs after Easter? Here's what Nichole and Bailey came up with yesterday when Sam was hanging out at the church while I was in meetings:

And no, my BOY baby is not wearing pink....the drool situation has become so intense and horrific, that his little red baseball outfit actually had its colors run and stained his onesie pink. Gross.

So here we are, two days before Project 365 opens. This is a vision I've had since 2006, and it is a little insane feeling that I get to share it with 400+ people this weekend. Yesterday in my weekly meeting with Scott, he presented me with the quick math - if 25% of our audience/performers commit to the real life Project 365, then approximately 365,000 people will be reached with the message by this time next year.

Me = gobsmacked.

Things are pretty much the same as last year - there are victories, there are worries, people have come through with flying colors, and the same people I expected to drop the ball on their tasks completely have. Life is life. I am moving on and not holding any bitterness. MY huge blunder is I was unaware the theater needed to be added to the church insurance policy, so PLEASE pray if you read this, because if they don't receive it by tomorrow....it's curtains for the show before it even gets a chance to open.

Me = loser.

God prompted me to offer free tickets to those in the community who are unemployed and struggling financially. One craigslist ad later, and I was completely overwhelmed with responses. A woman whose sister was murdered and now she is helping to care for her 11 year old daughter. A couple who has been jobless for two years. A family dying to get their daughter involved in a positive activity. There were so many stories, and in the end, a dozen or so tickets were mailed out. I hope they come and that I have a chance to meet them.

God, I pray that you will just bring renewing strength and motivation to every person involved with Project 365, and that you will open up the eyes of our audience. We've been working since October - it's in YOUR hands now!

Me = nervous, and yet strangely confident in God's promises.

Well dear readers, we're going to Arkansas! There's a sentence I never thought I would write!

Our friends Matt & Emily live in Little Rock, and offered to train me on all things missionary, and so I asked the church if they would send us to Arkansas, and they said yes.

Thanks, church board! You are the nicest guys I know!

So now at the end of the month, the three of us are going on a jet plane to spend a long weekend in the South and will glean some great missions tips from some great friends.

Wahoo!

This week has been extremely stressful. I was so proud of myself for being so organized and planning ahead with this show, and was so determined to not have my yearly meltdown....but my efforts seem to be futile.

We've had such amazing scheduling issues and mix ups with dancers this spring, that today when one of the dancers called me to make her contribution to the "let's give Tammy a continual stress headache until April 25" fund, I just couldn't help but laugh at the sheer insanity of it all. And then I had a really good cry.

I hurt for everyone who is hurting right now for various reasons. I wish I could fix everyone's personal lives so they could just come, dance, and feel free from it all. But I can't. And I have to be a meanie and stick to my guns and insist people follow through on their commitments even when life tries to get in the way. Hence the tears. It just isn't in my nature to be unrelentlessly bossy, even though my family may say otherwise. ;)

I hope that God will honor the dancers' faithfulness. And I hope somehow He'll honor mine as well.

This week has been full of judgment. "You're making great choices, Tammy!" "I think you need to think this over more, sister." "Oh Tam, you should've known better than that..."

I know they say in ministry you need to have rhinoceros skin and a marshmallow heart, but my marshmallow is getting a little hard and crusty...it's hard to be criticized all of the time, and I am stupid scared that our audience won't respond well to the big show in a few weeks, even though I know it only really matters what God thinks.

Little emotional pressure points from authoritarians in my life swim in my mind all day long - make sure your dances don't all look the same, don't forget to give that actress her notes so that point comes across well, push to have 4 sold out shows, don't let your music cuts sound amateurish, check and double check and triple check every single little thing....and oh yeah, take care of your 8 month old son and finish your article deadlines. You still have a full time job, you know.

How is my head still on my body?

I often wonder if it's possible to run a creative arts ministry without bruising egos and enabling showboats. That fine line between Christ and creative license, love and limelight...is so very fragile with so many people, it's easy to forget Who you're doing it all for.

"Let us run the race set out before us..." Hebrews 11....

The Christian journey is no easy sprint. It feels like the world's longest marathon.

We must run with perseverence - without detractors, despite distractions, with patience, and in the mindset that we WILL meet the finish line.


And I am very sleepy.



Sam liked this horse at Babies R Us. Nichole & I liked the hat. Frank says it makes him look like a 70 year old woman playing tennis. I think Frank has no appreciation of cute baby fashion.

Sam's baby dedication was on Sunday, and it was a pretty fun and special day. Our pastor's wife asked me to find a picture for him from around the time he was born, and it was pretty amazing going back into those photo albums and seeing how tiny he was. He's come so far, my little Samasaurus...he is growing and changing so much every day now. Nurse Kathy, his day primary while he was in the hospital, came to the dedication. Nurse Sharlotte (his night primary) was at church that day too, as were frank's parents and my mom. Frank's grandma happened to be in town from Kansas that day, and my grandma came up too. To add to the fun and specialness, Elisa, Jonathan, Katie, Brad, Rawan and Sandy came too!

Of course, I was a lame-o and my camera completely died the night before, and I cannot for the life of me find the battery anywhere...so we didn't get any photos except a few unflattering dedication pictures and a few of Sam back at our house for his little after party :)

Approved!

This morning I finally got an email from Beth at the national office...I got final approval! I am officially a registered missionary with my own shiny new account number and packet in the mail. I am so excited about this transition!

Now I just have to raise my monthly support (ugh!) and I can begin serving in creative arts full time!!!!

Emily B! I can't find your email address! But this is my cry for help and advice! <3

Hope everyone has a great week! More updates later :)

Wanderings....

Since the weather has been so nice, I have been taking Sam & Scarlett out for walks during the day. Sam hitches a ride in his Baby Bjorn and we get our daily dose of Vitamin D. He seems to like walking in the sunshine, and needless to say our supremely ignored beagle is relishing in her daily afternoon adventure.

I love our neighborhood in the early afternoon - tulips are my new favorite flower, I appreciate how friendly our neighbors are, and....I am turning into a totally boring Christian mom!!!

On the ministry side of things, my final board approval was to happen this Tuesday. When I emailed to check in, I got an automated vacation response from Beth - dang it! So it sounds like I have to wait till April 1 to find out! But at least we are in the home stretch!! :)

Project 365 is only a handful of weeks away. This performance has been a casting nightmare, but I know God will work it out so it's exactly what he wants it to be. But....my heart is still totally broken for those who have made huge sacrifices to take part in this, and for those who have had no choice but to leave us because of life stuff....I just wish we had the time to do it all - life is so short!

I went on a shopping spree with Nichole today at Babies R Us....I am beginning to loathe that place. It's like Wal Mart....I am starting to become a slave to it, forced to go there because it has the best prices for the stuff I need......anyway, Sam got a new spring/summer wardrobe and some sweet new toys thanks to Nonna Hassinger and Brad & Rawan, both of which gave him gift cards to his favorite store. Looks like we'll be learning to play the baby xylophone tomorrow! :)

Much love to all <3

First, of all, I'm taking a one month fast from facebook (and fast food). I might die.
So in case I do, I loved you all and thank you for making my life rich with picture comments and french fries.

Assuming I survive, you can reach me at tamara dot warta at gmail dot com or you can say hi to me by commenting on this pretty new springtime blog :)

Project 365 is exactly one month from today. Hence the fast...I am committed to spending more time with God and less time with stuff that isn't necessarily good for me sometimes.

I ask that you please pray for us. Everyone is working hard, and we have had some struggles, but God is totally providing.

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded to my support letters. I still need to raise a tremendous amount of money to go into full time missionary status. If you can be a monthly supporter - even if it is $5 a month - please let me know somehow, and I will send you the information you need.

Your support goes toward missions trips, dance supplies, gas for touring dates, encouraging items to show love to both dancers and audience members, Project 365 needs, and also will help support our family as I slowly phase out of the majority of my commercial writing jobs and work toward full time ministry.

I want to make a difference in this world, and I thank you in advance for helping me do it!

Anyway, every Wednesday I am going to try to update this blog, and also post up some praises. So here is list 1!!! :)

1. I love spring. I started gardening and my flowers started to break through today, little green shoots of ambition :)

2. Sam had a whole string of doctor appointments today, and at his NICU follow up he was a total rockstar. Despite our fear and worry, he is exactly where he needs to be developmentally except needing a bit of physical therapy which is easy peasy.

3. We have the best dance team we have EVER had. I pray that they are enjoying themselves as much as I enjoy being with them.

4. Frank still has a job. I know that is a huge thing to be grateful for in this world right now.

5. Did I mention it's spring? :)

I love this photo:

It reminds me of being refreshed and restored. Being sprinkled with rewened hope.

Thank you for reading my blog <3

How This All Started

As most of you know, I’ve been involved in dancing and acting since I was little, and have been involved in Christian creative arts since 2003. The past seven years have been the greatest and most challenging of my life, and since this is supposed to be a blog chronicling a year devoted to ministry, I’d love to share with you all a little bit about how God has worked in my life in this area, and how I believe it has blessed others and can continue to do so. I apologize for the length of this blog, but I do hope you’ll read it and continue to pray for me as I go through my final approval steps, raise my monthly support and devote more time to the arts ministry than ever before!

So here ya go – a Tam creative arts autobiography condensed to a few screens:

My mom stuck me in a 4-6 year old ballet and tap class when I wasn’t 4 yet, which I think spawned not only a love of dance, but also a continual feeling of “smallness”, inadequacy, inability to keep up, etc. etc. I still look back on that first dance class as being in a room full of giants (aka the 6 year olds), and I can still picture arms and pink leotards towering over me. And then there was the one time I wet my pants during across the floor time, and then my hair ribbon fell in the pee puddle as some sort of horrific grand finale (see mom, this is probably why they had the minimum age requirement…..)

I danced there until I was about 9 (not in the same class, I wasn’t COMPLETELY inept), and then I discovered horses and ice skating, and left dancing in the dust. When I was 11, I decided I was going to be a famous actress (AND figure skater, mind you), and thanked my family for the last eleven and a half years, it was great, but I was moving to Hollywood. I think they panicked a little, because I was sneaky, resourceful, and actually did have a bachelor uncle who lived in the Hollywood area, so I was pretty convinced he could use an adorable child around to help him out with this or that.

Needless to say, my parents didn’t jump at the idea, and so there was a compromise – audition rounds in nearby San Francisco, and involvement in the local children’s theatre. In San Francisco, I went to a modeling and “career” center, where they drained our family’s finances and told me I was too scraggly, too awkward, too ugly, and not talented. An agent promised to call and never did, and a casting agency tore me apart and left me in pieces on Market Street.

My father was a smart cookie – the other half of the deal – Santa Clara Junior Theatre, was a much better option. We acted, sang, danced, and built/painted our own sets. I paper mache’d myself to a faux house for one play, was cast as a singing and dancing moth queen in another, and basically continued my trail of thespian disaster until the end of high school.

One of the worst plays ever. But it was so fun and taught me a lot.

College brought me back to my love of dancing – first at De Anza, where our classes danced at Flint Center, and then at UC Davis, where I was chosen for the Grenada Artist in Residence program that only accepted a dozen or so of those who auditioned. I was thrilled, and then all he** broke loose….the artist in residence for this season was Nigel Charnock, a deliciously brilliant Englishman who loved to create dance pieces featuring limber, sweating college bodies writhing together on stage in the name of art. The costume requirement for all the girls – anything from Victoria’s Secret, and a little splash of nudity here and there should we choose. After hours of rehearsals (and tears), I finally gave up my part in the performance, knowing it was far from in sync with my Christian morals and beliefs. I was blessed to maintain a good relationship with Nigel and the cast despite quitting only a month before opening, but was devastated in knowing that dance was pretty much no longer an option for me if I was going to follow Jesus.

That was when Rose came to UC Davis and started CityGate Dance, where she invited a few girls to dance with her in the first production. I was awful. I was beyond awful. I was far below the technique level necessary, and she lovingly fired me. That spring she let some of the university students choreograph, and I created a human video with some friends. It turned out pretty sweet, and when Rose got a job in another city, she (in a moment of weakness/insanity?) asked me to take over as CityGate’s director. I went from the worst dancer to the one in charge during one school year, and my self esteem was shot.

I prayed and prayed, and God brought lots of dancers that next year. We produced two full length shows, and to this day, they are still my absolute favorite thing I’ve ever done.

The funny and serious sides of CityGate

The next summer, I went to YWAM Montana for their 2 month summer of dance program, and our outreach phase was to Taiwan. During my time away from home I was (again) one of the weakest dancers on the team, but it was pretty obvious God did not have me there just to dance – I learned self worth, confidence, and VALUE in the Lord while I was with YWAM. I wish every day that I had seized more opportunities during this amazing summer, and if I could go back in time, I would have done anything with YWAM that God would have for me. It was incredible. If you were a YWAM leader/participant that summer…..I love you. Thank you for changing my life.

Dancing in Taiwan

So then I went home, got married, went back and guest choreographed one last CityGate show, and then Frank and I started “church shopping.” Through the amazing Todd Johnson, we visited a church in Roseville, and then through some weird turn of events I don’t really even remember, I somehow got permission to start a performing arts ministry. We called it Turning Point Dance. We were new to the church, the first rehearsals were a total disaster, and I cried every single Sunday.

But then, again through prayer and others praying for us, things came together and we had our first couple of shows during Sunday morning service. In 2007 we did our first full-length production – Alice in Wonderland….Reimagined. Then last year we did Blue Sky Savior, and then this year we are doing Project 365!

We’re about to leave for our second dance missions trip to the island of Trinidad & Tobago, and we’ve toured to different places around here. We were just asked to audition for Rock the Block California, and we’re rapidly moving forward toward more expansion.

In other words, we are blessed. And we (and any other ministry) cannot survive or thrive without the support and prayer of loved ones. So thank you for giving me a fun 7 years. I am so excited about the future.

P.S…..My final MAPS decision will be made by the AG on Tuesday…..wheeeeeee! <3

P.P.S – I am still not the greatest dancer. I’ve gotten better, but I’ve learned that isn’t what ministry is about. Dancing from the heart is so much better….thank you Jesus for that.

Finding Renewal in the Little Things

I've been a pretty inconsistent blogger lately, which can be credited to Sam's ever growing personality which involves entire days of giving me wide eyed grins and reaching little hands that seem to say "show me, mommy!" when it comes to everything I do. Wherever I go, wherever I put him, when I turn to look at him he is smiling up at me...and this mutual admiration for life with each other has majorly cut into my down time. But that's okay :)

My life is so fast paced and so hectic, that I've found myself instinctively finding joy in tiny things I never would have thought about or considered before. Sleeping in past 7am and snuggling under the covers with Frank on a rainy Saturday morning. Making the kitchen my new "lab" as I experiment with recipes and dream up new cupcake ideas. Having lunch out and enjoying a good chat with a friend. Feeling suddenly motivated to conquer our big, overgrown backyard and make it a sweet garden by summertime.

Have I become a nerdy Christian mom or what?! But I've never been happier. When it comes to my dreams and ambitions, some of the biggies are becoming reality, while I am learning to find new dreams and pieces of happiness in little things I never acknowledged before.

Life is good to me. Thanks, God!

Dance ministry is running at a chaotic pace. I've mailed out all of my support letters, so if you haven't received one and would like to, then please let me know. And if you have received one, thank you so much for taking the time to read it and consider supporting a ministry that has just flourished and continues to be blessed!

Our dance "academy" has started with four classes that have gone very well. We now offer jazz/lyrical, hip hop, ballet, and "baby ballet" for our littlest "dancers". We're starting a kids' hip hop class soon too.

Project 365 is only 5 weeks away, which both excites and terrifies me! A lot of you are coming to see it, so thank you so much for your support ahead of time. It's always fun to have friends and family in the audience....it's just better that way! :)

I got to see Debbie a couple of weekends ago, and as always, she totally lit up my life. Here we are in Nevada...I love this shot, even though we definitely look like an "alternative family." ;) Frank was there too, but you know how he is about photos.




Nichole is officially Sam's favorite person, as you can see here from a recent Mongolian BBQ outing.



A happy dance teacher moment, before the stress began to mount ;)






The rehearsals continue!




Sunny day Sam.

I Just Want to Party It Up in Dreamland

As I write this, Sam is snoring away beside me. I am so jealous. If these past couple of weeks could be summed up in one word, it would be.....SLEEPY. It feels as if I cannot get enough sleep. I have managed to get in 7-8 hrs a night (yes with a 6 month old in the house, feel free to applaud...), and yet I am still. just. TIRED. Tired to the point of tears, to not being able to rationalize life...I just want to sleep, but I also have 5,000 other things I need to do. So whatever it is that is making me sleepy really just needs to pack its bags and leave....I just want....a nap...one nap....darn it.

I am sending out my support letters this week, so if you've asked for one (and probably even if you didn't), you should get one in the mail soon! I have to raise SO much support money it seems like an impossible feat, but God knows just what you need when you need it. This past week our dear friend Emily came with her husband and two kids to stay with us. They are missionaries for Family Life in Little Rock, and she came loaded with stories of support money coming through in the oddest of ways, and really encouraged me to press onward and trust God to do the rest.

The dance ministry itself is going phenomenally well. For quite possibly the first time ever, every single one of our C.A.E. (Christian Arts Exploration - our kids' dance team) came to rehearsal on time and in dress code. God has just completely removed the behavior struggles from that group too....4-11 year olds are challenging, especially the little ones...but they are so precious and the Lord just continually reminds us that as we teach them and provide structure.

We are also starting the launch of our "dance academy" next week...we will have formal dance classes with bible-believing instructors who are sharing their gifts and talents for a peanut salary. It is amazing how God provides just what we desire, it is so inspiring and fun! :)

Here's a picture of Emily's daughter Whitney feeding Sam.

And here is Sam "mountain climbing" on his daddy :)


Okay, time to get some work done before the snoring turns into big blue eyes wanting my undivided attention. <3

It's the Little Moments that Change Your Life

Hi everybody!

I thought I would give you a little update on what's going on in regards to the ministry process, and share with you a few stories of how God has blessed my life and the dance ministry in recent days.

First of all, thank you SO much to all who responded either via this blog or through email (or Facebook! I am such an addict!) and for continuing to pray and consider supporting my leap into full time ministry. I have definitely surrendered and asked God to give me patience, because the process is SLOW!

I have applied with the national office of the AG church and now have to wait an agonizing 6-8 weeks for my application to be processed. Then, I will hopefully have an interview with our district offices (which happen to be in Sacramento, woot!) and THEN God willing, I will raise full support and be able to serve full time!

So, with that being said, thank you again for being so prayerful and generous with your time and finances, as many of you have given to the dance fundraisers and will be giving to my monthly support. I am so grateful to know you!

I will be returning to Trinidad this July to lead another team of Christian artists to the island to present outreach performances to the local churches, and we also will be serving on a construction team and teaching children the Gospel message. It's going to be a crazy busy 10 days, but we are all so excited - we have an amazing team this year!

If you have asked for an info packet regarding the ministry I serve, you will soon be receiving a letter. Here, you can support our Trinidad team, or fill out your preliminary giving commitment if you choose to be a monthly supporter once I have a completed application with the AG church. I sincerely hope you will consider sponsoring one of these two great causes!

Directing the dance ministry itself has continued to be both a blessing and a challenge. After family, it is by far the best part of my life, but also can leave me super frustrated at times. I was going through a pretty severe phase of self pity on Tuesday afternoon for various reasons, but I asked God to just put me in a good mood for rehearsal and refocus my life.

Did he ever!

Our spring dance performance is about a girl who is terminally ill and decides to live her remaining days in a positive way that helps others. I invited a man from our church to be one of the actors in our show, and it turned out that he found out THAT DAY he had cancer. He accepted the role in the performance, even though it will be during his chemo treatments and probably right before surgery. He told me how much our ministry blesses HIM and thanks ME for being strong and noble during all of Sam's hospital stuff......um, well that humbled me and brought me so much joy to learn that our ministry means that much to others that they would want to take part WHILE battling cancer. Now we have a cast member who is basically living the plot line in real life. I had a good cry after finding all this out. I am so blessed to know the people I do, and work with the people I do.

Another bright spot is a young lady who just joined the ministry. We have two optional devotional times, before and after dance rehearsal, and she comes to BOTH. I asked her why she comes twice, and she said because she wants to get to know everyone in the group better so she can connect. I think that's awesome that a 17 year old wants to spend extra time doing a bible study so she can plug into God's family and learn more. I was again, humbled, as I've been annoyed about having young girls that come sporadically. And then in comes Faith with her faith.....go figure.

I could go on forever. We have a brilliant group of dancers and actors, and I am so unbelievably excited for spring! If you would like to be on our sponsor list in the coming months, please let me know, and I hope you are all doing fantastic.