I've come to a rather obvious conclusion this week - being a contagious Christian does not happen when you TELL people about Christ, but rather when you SHOW them. One thing that my father always says that simultaneously frustrates and encourages me is, "Well Tam, I sure don't like Christians, but I do like YOUR brand of Christianity."

And every time he says it, I respond with a forced front of joy, "Dad, it isn't a brand of Christianity. It is a relationship with Jesus. You should have one too!"

But he doesn't. He's witnessed too many televangelists, he's lived through Jimmy Swaggart (sp?), the guy who was married to Tammy Faye....all of these big gun loons who I have never really heard of, but are mentioned to me over and over as examples of exactly why he will never be a Christian. In case you are curious, other examples as to why include a grab bag of "I don't believe in Hell," "I don't need anyone to SAVE me", "I don't believe the earth is only 10,000 years old" (um dad, FYI that we don't believe that either), and that "there cannot be a single path to God."

And in a way, he's right. There are many ways - there is a path toward Him in worship of song and dance. There is a path toward Him in quiet reflection and reading. There is a path toward him in both silent and fervent prayers. There is a path toward Him in boundless hope.

But he won't listen, and sometimes when I am in the bay area with my family I find my hope tapering off as I slouch down into the cheap furniture and get a serious case of Elijah syndrome.

And then I always go back to his original comment of how he likes "my brand" of Christianity, and I remember that something has caught his eye. I am showing, not telling - and that is the one thing that he is remembering about "my brand." He is seeing love and strong fellowship/relationship....and, well....he is seeing a lot of dance performances too, but he seems to be dealing okay additionally with that part.

Why haven't I been showing more than telling lately? Have I already fallen so comfortably into the cushy world of working in a church office, where everyone is praising Jesus in the cubicles and existing cheerfully within the bubble? I am really such a cowardice that I am just fine to be stagnant where I am?

Nothing is stopping me from just living out my years just like this. I have a home, a family, great friends and a job. What more do I need?

The answer?

So.
Much.
More.

God, seriously, use my lazy butt. Take me into situations where I get to show instead of tell - where I am uncomfortable at first, but then see victories in the end.

Tomorrow is just another Thursday - working at the church, coordinating dance ministry details, and getting chinese food for lunch because I am broke and have a gift card.

So, can God work a miracle, set a bush on fire or send a lightning bolt to Panda Express? Or at least talk to me in a way that I can hear?

Stay tuned. I think He might.

408 Love

Love is.



Eating my mom's homemade jamocha frosting on an October night.


Getting to show Sam the park I grew up playing at. The fountains and duck cove, the playground that looks completely different now - but still holds a lot of memories.


Watching the thrill of a maiden voyage into a pumpkin patch.


Practicing the fine art of inseparability.


Taking the time to contemplate all of this life.

Love is.

Coming back to Sacramento and accepting that is where God has you, and being thankful that even though you can never go back to where you really want to be - you can always cheat for a weekend and visit <3

First Disneyland, First Rain

This weekend I went BACK down to Southern California, this time to go to Disneyland with Frank's family. It was planned before the So Cal dance conference, so I guess this should be known as the "original" trip. But either way, I felt pretty darn blessed to go to Disneyland twice in one month for free, and here are some photos of Sam's first adventure at mommy's favorite place.








Can we say - "Frank has a lot of family"?????


This is one of my favorites.

Cinderella rehearsals start tonight, and where there was once a lot of excitement and joy, there is now just a pile of rocks in my stomach. I was so looking forward to this, and now, for a variety of reasons, I am just...not.

I feel like I don't have the energy to choreograph and direct another show right now. I am fed up with a stupid situation that seems to never get better, and I am just....sleepy. But then again, I love it so much and adore all of the amazing people who are involved...I know once we get started, it will be beautiful.

But today, with the first rain (which seems to be quickly turning into a flood!) and a cuddly, sweet baby at home with me, I just wish I could loaf in my pajamas and read a good book.

Oh well....I suppose I have eternity to relax! :)

Five Years <3

When I was a little girl, I met a couple who met in high school, and never left each other's side until one of them died when they were in their 90s. I thought it was terribly romantic and decided that the only good thing that would come out of school would be finding a husband, and he would love me and spoil me and let me have an all pink wedding with daisies, sparkling cider and cotton candy.

Five years ago today, I married my high school sweetheart in a church in the neighborhood I grew up in. The bridesmaids dresses were pink, the cake and bouquets had daisies, and we toasted to the future with Martinelli's. There wasn't any cotton candy, but that's my fault because somewhere between the 4th grade and walking down the aisle, I had forgotten all about it.

I could brag about my husband all day long - this past year, he has blown me away with what an incredible father he is. Sam adores him - at 15 months, his daddy is the apple of his eye, and I am certain that is going to go on for a long time because mommy is cruddy at wrestling and playing rocketship.

He is also an amazing husband - compassionate, loving, considerate, a wonderful provider for our family, and he will watch Golden Girls re runs with me. He got me liking sushi (yay!) and The Simpsons (boo!) and he continues to be my favorite person to go anywhere with. I joke with him that he's allergic to fun, but then I realize that I have never laughed with someone more.

Thanks for five amazing years, husband <3 I love you to the moon and back.

Pretty Much Perfect

I love October. The weather cools, and it's a nice lull between summer and the craziness that comes with the holiday season. But this particular October has chosen to be out of the ordinary insane with a packed schedule...I just got home from Riverside, and then next weekend I am going back down to Southern California for a massive celebration of KAYLA'S 13TH BIRTHDAY (scary! what an old lady she is!), and then we are going to go home to the bay area 2 weeks after that for the 50th anniversary party of the church Frank grew up in......October is turning into a crazy month. It's also our 5-year wedding anniversary on Saturday! <3

The first seven days of October have been pretty great so far. After heading down to So Cal, we went to a convalescent home where we danced and prayed with the residents. I made friends with a woman named Ruby - I could barely understand what she was saying - but she used to be a dancer and reminded me to always dance like David danced. Her address is on a napkin in my dance bag, and I think we will probably be pen pals soon :) Some of the dancers also got a kick out of a vibrant man named Patrick. He had plenty of things to say to all of us, and here's a photo of some of the team praying with him.

Tuck's iPod accidentally shuffled during our performance there, and so it was a horrific surprise, not knowing which song was going to pop up next to dance to - some dancers ended up exhausted, but they did such a fantastic job, I was so happy for all of us :)

Then it got even better as we headed to the Southern California Christian Dance Concert in Redlands. Turning Point was one of 9 or so groups, and I was terrified we wouldn't be good enough - but we were definitely up to par, and everyone did really, really great! The directors of the festival were so amazingly nice, and we made friends with some of the other dancers and were invited to another dance event, as well as receiving a return invitation back to the So Cal concert next year. Go, Turning Point, Go!!!! :)






If you aren't totally sick of our summer dances in various venues yet, here is the second half of our So Cal performance.

SoCal Christian Dance Conference, Turning Point Dance Ministry from Ami Tuckerman on Vimeo.

And then on Sunday went to Disneyland. Which was nice :) We even got Tigger to dance with us!



We practiced perfect dance form everywhere we went ;)





Last night we had auditions for Cinderella: Reimagined. A lot of dancers auditioned, and this is the toughest show I've ever had to cast.

My heart was just so joyful reading some of the applications - one wrote that she only wanted a certain part if it wouldn't get in the way of a younger girl getting a chance. Another said that she just wants to be whoever God wants her to be. And yet another came up to me and volunteered to forgo the show altogether if it meant someone else would feel less left out.

I love our dancers.

Still today I was asking for help, prayer and advice, and I am praying every single dancer both younger and older will find joy in their received role, even if it isn't the one they wanted :( It's tough to not give everyone exactly what they want - but it's downright impossible to do that, and it's a good learning experience to not always get what you expect I suppose.

Come to think of it, my entire life is one big UNexpecation.....and yet, it's pretty much great :)

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