Cemented Down

Tomorrow Alta Regional is coming to evaluate Sam. He was supposed to have this evaluation 4 months ago, and we've gotten away with not having it due to scheduling conflicts and the blessed fact that their offices are just swamped.

This is the state program that all Kaiser preemies are referred to for follow up services. All of Sam's therapy comes through Jabbergym, which is funded by Alta Regional. Sam was small enough and early enough when he was born that this is provided to him free of charge. For most premature infants born in 2008 and prior, these services are provided regardless of income level until the school district takes over if necessary around age 4.

Recently they received budget cuts like everyone else, and there was a huge restructure. We are now caught between a rock and a hard place - Sam very much needs his therapy still, and yet he does not need it so much that he is in the bottom 9% of babies his gestational age. Of course, I would rather see these services go to kids who continue to struggle in ways far beyond what Sam ever did. There are autistic children, severely handicapped children - kids who don't even have an awareness about them. Premature birth is a devastating thing for a lot of families, and even though Sam struggles, he is the happiest boy on earth and we are grateful for that.

His services can all be pulled tomorrow, and that is heart wrenching because as cute and happy as he is, he cannot walk and talk. There is such little progress in these areas - it is scary. Oh, I know he will do these things someday, but it would be nice to have him at least somewhat on track, and right now he is far behind.

Therapy is always provided privately if we wish, but little Sam, I am so sorry, mommy and daddy just cannot swing the cost of it right now. We all want the best for you, and to give you every chance you can get in living a normal life - but it is just too darn expensive.

I know right after typing that, I am going to pick up extra articles and other side jobs, doing everything I can and never sleeping so you CAN get the therapy you need. I am not going to allow the continual meltdown of California get in the way of you receiving what you need.

But it's going to be really, really tough. We will get there - I know we will - but it might mean mom will have to quit dance and ministry for awhile so she can get a full time job with a larger paycheck again.

I have a referral letter from Sam's pediatrician that I will give to Norma tomorrow for his speech therapy evaluation, and I am going to just pray my hardest that either he qualifies for continued services, or he does so well on his testing that they assure me he is going to be okay. That my stupid body did not cause damage to him that is just going to make him continue to struggle through life.

I am frustrated and sad. But I know my God is good and will provide. So I will keep praying.