On Being Determined

Sam took his first steps on Thanksgiving. My mom was thrilled, because she doesn't get to experience many "firsts" due to distance, and I breathed a sigh of relief. There haven't been any more steps since, but lots of wobbles and independent standing and a pensive look on his face proving he's considering more toddles. And for whatever reason, whenever we ask him to take some steps, he does this combination hyperventilating/crack up laughing routine that is beyond my understanding.

As always, there continues to be a correlation between my silly little boy and ministry life. It makes more and more sense to me every day why God says we must have faith like a little child. (Matthew 18). Because if we don't learn to laugh when things get difficult, then we might all just go crazy.

There have been rumblings in my heart to do more. An odd conversation erupted during the church staff meeting a couple of weeks ago, and the tail end of it led to a brief moment of my being more transparent than usual about my broken heart for the homosexual community. How passionate I am about how miserably they've been treated - and how I am hungry to find solutions and ways to show them God's love. The real God - not the one that they may have unfortunately experienced.

I want to work with rape survivors. Dance and movement has such a healing way of helping people who have been assaulted, abused, etc. It gives them control back - allows them to feel ownership of their body again. When those things happen to you, you never fully recover - but how lovely it would be to use my ministry goals as a way to bring just a bit more comfort and healing to those who need it so much.

I'm desiring spending more time in the trenches and gutters in this world - not literally, obviously, but working with those who need love and have been left loveless for whatever reason.

And while all of this thinking is well and good, I need to embark on these things for the right reason. Right now one of my motivations is the fact it's getting more and more difficult for me to minister to the middle class.

I've desired for over four years for the dance ministry to be 100% sold out for God. And I truly believe every single dancer loves Jesus and wants to serve him. But "want" and "willing" are very different things. This is the big lesson I've learned the past couple of months.

I've said it repeatedly - performing arts ministry is so very dangerous of a thing because there is a very fine line between performing and ministering. Sometimes the line is outright invisible. And right now, it feels that some of the girls have forgotten there was ever a line at all.

It's obvious in their church attendance. Their choreography. Their priorities. And while there are definitely a lot of good seeds (they are ALL good seeds - just a lot are forgetting who they are called to be right now), I am just finding myself frustrated and tired.

I love God and am grateful for the 100,000 ways he blesses creative arts ministry every day, and I will stand firm that He has me where He wants me. But come on, middle class, it's time to step up. There are a whole lot of people who need God's love and a whole lot of people who are waiting for their chance to be whole.

So let's go to New York to get down into those trenches - not because we've always wanted to see a Broadway show.

Let's attend church regularly so that choreography and vision align with the ministry.

Let's realize that nobody will die if we do not text message during rehearsals.

Let's seek God in a way that some of us have always dreamed. And not be afraid to allow Him to take us to those new heights.