Procrastination.....Imagination.....

I was talking to one of my high school-aged dancers the other day, and, in response to something on her mind, I told her how teenagers are sort of always trying on being different people...trying to figure out who they want to be. I told her not to worry, because _______ is still in the changing room and will come out okay in the end. :)

But then when I thought about it....shoot, some of us, even mature adults, are still just coming out of those fittings. With just the few months that I have been devoting myself more fully to ministry, I have encountered just the strangest situations with people. It's really remarkable how sometimes the more guarded a person is, the more transparent they actually become. And then I realized that I am probably gonna come across as transparent too, no matter what "look" I try to put on. But my life motto is simple - what you see is what you get!

Strange interactions:

A chick who came out of nowhere, who I knew for exactly 3 hours of my life all but outright asked if I would hand over the dance ministry to her.

Then a stranger at a store came up and just started kissing Sam all over his face. His eyes got huge and if he could talk he would've screamed "stranger danger!!!" I swear that kid needs a do not touch sign.

Then someone who gave me a huge speech several weeks ago about something they were very passionate about, turned around today and gave me a new speech with the complete opposite opinion.

Then....two friends are getting married. The one I considered myself closer to did not invite me to his wedding, while the one I am not really close to at all anymore invited me to hers.

Life blows me away.

And there were miscellaneous other circumstances. Point being, Scott taught me something wise.....just be kind and humble, and God will work the rest out.

You just cannot gauge people. It's not worth even trying. All you can do is be ready to love them if given the opportunity.

This is not always an easy lesson for me. I used to always want to be right. I still tend to have an "i told you so" backbite that can really sting. But in recent weeks, God has really helped me learn how to be kind and pick my battles and he'll just take care of it. And you know...he totally has.

I'm not going back into the dressing room. I have found the perfect fit.

So here are some transparencies about me, so you always know that what you see is what you get.

**I am so drop dead excited about our summer performing arts camp. Diana and I passed out flyers at a low income apt complex yesterday, and people are already responding and wanting to bring their kids :)

**I hate how hot it is outside right now. We found the perfect park for Sam's birthday party today, and while I am in love with it....IT'S. GOING. TO. BE. SO. STINKING. HOT. OUTSIDE.

**I love sushi. And raspberry cheesecake. I could eat them every day, but if I did I would be very fat and very poor.

**When a certain song comes on the radio, Frank and I get excited because it is "our song" with Sam. The song is Beyonce's "Single Ladies"....and I am not sure if that is okay or not.

**I've been attempting to read The Purpose Driven Life for I think 5 years now, and I have never been able to....and I think I may have found my purpose anyhow. Sorry, Rick....

**I am SO SICK of hearing about Prop 8. If you think you know my opinion on it, then you are probably wrong. But either way, I am so so so tired of hearing about it. It grieves me so much, and I think it's the first political thing that has ever made an impact on my life.

**I do not like nylons. Or ugly toes.

**My baby has a frightening resemblance to a kewpie doll:





Who are you, blog reader? And what has compelled you to read this far? It must be a slow night in Internet lala land. <3

I Love You, 10 Months

Sometimes I get so frustrated as a mom. I seriously have a dream baby - he's never fussy without good reason, we've always just been able to plop him down for bed and he'd fall asleep like it's no big deal, and even though he's been through a lot, he has the sweetest disposition.

But there are some days I crave my freedom. I miss interacting with grown ups during the day. I wonder if I am doing a good enough job, or if he's doomed to learn everything in life from me and come out sort of confused and screwed up.

But then there's days like today, where I can honestly say....I love 10 month olds. What fun they are!

I love chubby little hands grabbing for everything in sight. He seizes every moment (not to mention the spoon, soda cup, box of kleenex, toilet paper roll, bar of soap, carpet lint.....)

I love how huge his eyes get when I show him something new, like they're saying, "no way, shut up, get out of town, mommy! Seriously?!" And it's never something I TRY to impress him with. It's just these silly little things. It's the world. At what age do we allow the universe to become a total bore to us?

I love how he reaches up his arms when he wants me to pick him up. How lucky am I to have such a handsome date to accompany me through my daily responsibilities?

I love 10 months old. Today is a good day.

With You in May, I Was Blown Away....

I am positively gobsmacked by God's goodness.

May has really been a month where I've seen His faithfulness in ministry, even when I felt inferior, tired, restless, etc. etc.

We have raised 20% of our monthly support so far....it doesn't seem like a lot in writing, but we are right on track and will continue to hope and pray that people will respond positively to the ministry vision we are casting, and show interest in coming on board. One of the best parts of it all is getting to partner with Frank. We've always been partners, but this is the first time I feel he is working alongside me and getting excited about it. It's really blessed me. I sure do like him :)

Last Tuesday was our first rehearsal of the summer. Usually we have between 12-15 dancers at our recruitment meeting and then we grow throughout the season. On Tuesday, we had THIRTY signed up! That is crazy! And so fun!!! :) For the first time ever, our adults outnumber our teens - and the teens we have are OUTSTANDING. The middle schoolers are so sweet and fun, and the high schoolers are the ones that really want to be there, and are interested in serving the Lord.

Of course, we will miss the ones who couldn't return for various reasons - they are also amazing. Gosh, we are just lucky to have a blessed group. Alright I will stop gushing because it is BORING to read, I am sure!

Here is a portion of our Project 365 crew dancing at the Sacramento County Fair:

Then, this weekend, Christian Arts Exploration (CAE), our children's creative arts ministry, sang and danced their way through their spring showcase. It was called 'The Crayon Box" and was color themed. Each skit, song and choreographed piece represented a different color in God's rainbow, and it featured 20 children aged 4-12. They did fantastic!!!!

All of the kids, give or take a few :)
As you can tell, they were SUPER nervous about their performance ;)

I got some loves from a bunch of the kiddos before the show.

They are so fun, I am excited for all that summer will bring! <3

Heatstrokes and Hallelujahs!

Ami came up with the title for this blog. I think it captures yesterday completely.

Turning Point had the opportunity to dance at Orangevale Pow Wow Days, which we were also invited to last year, but dropped out at the last minute because it was so hot outside. This year it was no different, but in my stubborn determination to not become flake of the century, I insisted we go no matter how sweltering it was outside.

Some of the dancers came to brave the heat with me, and it ended up being a really great day! I love our touring opportunities, it is always a positive experience in one way or another.

Frank and Sam came with me in the morning to help set up the booth, and we had a breakfast picnic in the park before people got there, and then the dancers came and we sat in the booth and tried to stay cool until it was time to dance :)

Some of the poor groups who went before us decided to do demos, and couldn't get anyone to come out onto the grass to join in, because nobody wanted to move out of the shade. We met a super sweet and energetic lady named Sunny Field who ended up kind of teaching herself line dancing but acted like she had 100 participants. What a cool reminder to keep your head up even when you feel you're talking to emptiness.

Then when it was time for our group to perform, it was still just so much fun even though it was sweltering and the audience was sparse. Everyone in the booths listened intently to Ami and Johanna sharing their testimonies, and then these two old men got on the phone with their grandchildren who dance at Sierra College and told them that they had to get in touch with us and join.

Then, best of all, the director of the entire event....she said she was a Christian and that she would like to join our dance team. So I look forward to potentially seeing her at our first summer rehearsal on Tuesday :)

Here are some of us in our cute booth. I was very grateful to Diana for thinking about bringing chairs, and the Bell family for bringing the canopy...otherwise our "cute booth" would have consisted of a few planks of wood, some paper taped onto the front, and us....melting.....

That's me in the middle...I am not sure what I am saying, but probably something to the effect of..."Holy guacamole it is impressively warm outside today!"

Us dancing in the grass, because it was too hot to use the stage. Unless doing double turns in lava is your goal, of course. But it was fun and we were spunky :)

Cooling off after our performance. Did I mention it was hot outside yesterday? ;)

Please Don't Take My Sunshine Away

Most of the time, I'm a pretty content person. I love my job, my ministry, my friends and of course our little family. But I go through these periods of extreme annoyance, and right now there is plenty in life to annoy me. But this blog post is only about one of those many things on my mind right now.

I am annoyed that Sam has to go back to the hospital on Monday.

Even though it's been 7 months already since he came home to live with us, it seems like only yesterday I spent hours of every day staring into his little box (and thankfully eventually a real crib) and whispered to him to hurry up and grow. Get better Sam, there's a whole world I am really excited to show you!

Having a baby in the hospital for 3 months is no fun. You won't hear me complain beyond that, because he was treated like royalty by the nurses and doctors, we could not have asked for better care for him - but when he was discharged from the hospital in October, it seemed as if we couldn't get him home fast enough.

The most difficult part of the entire hospital stay was his second surgery a few weeks before he went home. Afterward, they couldn't control his pain level properly, and so what I first saw after surgery was this helpless tiny body covered in tubes and wires, breathing off oxygen and twitching and convulsing slightly from the post-surgery pain. I felt helpless and then sick to my stomach, and it was the first time in 3 months I actually had to physically walk away from my little baby in order to maintain my composure.

But he recovered quickly and now is a chubby, incessantly cheerful little miracle that kicks and laughs and bangs spoons on the tables at restaurants.

Monday, he has to go back. And I refuse to believe it is only two days away. I keep telling myself this is different - it's a reconstructive surgery - it doesn't involve vital internal organs like the other two did. He is older, bigger and stronger - his body can handle it much better, and his risks are much lower. But on the flip side, I also know there are going to be tubes, wires and pain again.

And I have a feeling that 15 pounds of Sam is going to feel exactly like watching 2 pounds of newborn Sam all over again.

I hate Monday already.

Diverging Perspectives

I have all but run out of ideas on how to keep Sam amused during the day. Now that he can sit up, it's a lot easier, but we still have the preemie conundrum - jumparoos and other amusements that other 9 month (really 7 month old) babies enjoy are either forbidden or not within his ability yet.

So mom gets antsy/creative in the afternoons.

Today I stole a really easy idea after googling "what to do with a 9 month old" (ah, the modern mom)- fill a baby bottle with rice and you have an instant noise maker. I filled a big bottle for me and a little one for Sam, and I went to work forming our afternoon rock band.

Problem one - it's a bottle, right? So Sam tried to make it an afternoon snack.

Then I took the bottle away, and tried to rationalize him that it was a TOY not food, and that he should SHAKE not chew. This is the face I got.

Then I gave up, and shook mine, which was apparently the funniest thing in the world. He laughed and laughed, look at mommy the idiot singing and dancing around with a plastic bottle of rice. He loved it.

In the end, he gave his rice bottle a half hearted shake, as if to appease my efforts. But he got such a kick out of watching me do it and banging it with his hands. I suppose that's what life is all about - finding something to smile about and harvesting joy out of everything you can - even if it doesn't stick within your original plans and what you hoped for.

I've always wanted to visit the South, and now that I have gone, I've officially decided that I was meant to be a Southern Belle instead of a California....boring person? But anyway, outside of that, we had a fantastic time with Matt & Emily this weekend in Little Rock. I learned so much and it was great to get a weekend away to refresh and recharge after the performances.

It's probably not so important to note that United did everything within its power to keep us away from Arkansas. The story goes as follows:

*We get to the airport on Thursday afternoon

*Our plane leaves 2 hours late due to a "mechanical error"

*Despite the captain's valiant attempt at flying 120 knots over the legal speed, we still miss our Denver connection

*United gives us (and a bunch of other now plane-less people) vouchers for a hotel room and $30 for dinner - score!

*Oh but then it turns out the hotel voucher was for a non-existent hotel - it had changed ownership over a year ago and did not accept the vouchers.

*So BACK to customer service we went, where we got new vouchers for a hotel 23 miles away!

*We FINALLY got to the hotel at 9:30 at night, and had dinner.

Then I thought to myself, "Self, this is one of the few times you haven't had to worry about a baby for months, what shall you do?"

I decided on eating vanilla ice cream while taking a bubble bath, which I believe was a brilliant choice.

The next day, before we attempted again to get to Arkansas, Frank went to the check-in desk to make absolute sure our bag was still going to Little Rock. The woman assured us that it was scheduled to be on the first flight there, which happened to be our flight too. So.....woo hoo?

I wish! We landed in Little Rock, got great hugs from Em and the kids, and then low and behold our bag wasn't there. We went to the United desk, where there wasn't anyone there for 20 minutes and we finally gave up and walked away.

Frank, by some weird fluke, happened to find out bag at the DELTA office, even though they said they didn't carry bags for other airlines. Our bag had gone on a flight through Atlanta with Delta, and no one bothered to tell us.

Stupid United. Don't fly with them! They are meanies!

So we got to Arkansas, and I just love Little Rock. It is so cute, and almost all of the houses have brick (one of my dream house components :) ), and they have BANANA PUDDING PIZZA, which is my new favorite dessert. I ate it on Friday night, and I seriously have not been able to focus on anything since, it completely changed my life.

Fortunately, in reality I could focus a little, because Matt & Emily had some amazing training for us. We got to see the gorgeous Family Life campus, and then we got down to business. I feel 10,000 times more equipped and ready to meet the goals God has set before me. And I also feel much more in sync with Frank when it comes to those goals, and over all it was just a totally blessed weekend where I learned a LOT, and really got some time to reconnect with the Lord in little, special ways.

Now......I pray for the funds and the people. And a great meeting with Scott on Wednesday. I know the Lord will provide, just like He always does.

I am so glad we reconnected with Emily. She was Frank's friend in high school, then I stole her ;) Then we lost touch and I never stopped thinking about her and wondering what she was up to. Right when I gave up, she found me on myspace, and now I hope we never lose track of each other again! They have a FANTASTIC ministry in Little Rock, and if you are looking to support a wonderful couple dedicating their lives to helping preserve marriage and family, Em's blog is here.

Central High School, site of desegregation during the civil rights movement:

Paying homage to the Larry's Pizza Buffet (aka home of my beloved banana pudding pizza:Matt & Emily's cute kids puddle splashing by the Farmer's Market in Little Rock:

My favorite cute southern children :) :

We love Matt & Emily:
This one's for my dad, haha. :

Sam stayed behind in California. He'll have to wait till Hawaii for his first plane trip. He is doing great, though: