Gobsmacked and God Blessed

I hate being gobsmacked.

In the middle of a semi-deep conversation in a semi-dark parking lot, it was brought to my awareness that I have been semi-deceived.

A lot of times in dance, I ask some of the dancers to go rehearse something outside while I am working on a separate section. I assume they actually dance - now I know for a fact that they just sit around and completely ignore what I ask.

Gosh darn it.

I handed out obnoxiously bright yellow pieces of paper with fall dance information on them, and nagged, begged, bartered and threatened...telling the girls to not lose them, they will not receive another copy.

Sure enough, someone already lost theirs and asked for another.

Gosh darn it.

These things hurt. These things frustrate. These things make full time ministry a big huge suckfest.

And then I remember....

God trusts us to do things, and then when we think we are out of sight, we often do the opposite. It usually isn't mean spirited, it is just the humans that we are. And it probably causes a big heavenly gosh darn it out of the big guy.

God hands us the bible. There are many copies of it, easily provided to us. You can even get an obnoxiously bright yellow version.

But many of us still choose to ignore it - I'll be dead honest, I don't know where my favorite bible is right now. No stinking clue. I'm actually pretty certain it's lost and gone forever. I've been using an ancient King James version that I think I accidentally stole from Frank's grandmother, and it is so fulleth of thees and thousts that thy knowth not whateth I readith.

We make bad choices, we commit a major spiritual suckfest. And you know...God doesn't give up on us. He never, ever gives up on us. So who am I to give up, when I know somewhere in the pile of yuck that was this summer, there has got to be a few diamonds in the rough. I am determined to find that sparkle before the world turns to autumn.

Pastor Scott gave me quite possibly the best words on the planet yesterday - he reminded me that while there were 12 disciples, and he loved all 12 very much, he was BFFs with only 3. Not all 12 had the same ministry experience - and I cannot expect to compel 35 teens/adults and over 30 children to all experience dance ministry the same.

I feel such a release in knowing that, and I am looking forward to discovering this fall all the different ways people experience my ministry - some come because they love to dance, some come because they love seeing their friends in an encouraging environment....and hopefully all come because they love Jesus. And if someone doesn't....then thank you Lord, so much, for trusting me to be an example to that person.

Yesterday I was begrudgingly hauling dozens of cardboard boxes to a dumpster in the midday heat because we had made a huge mess of them during the kids camp - and they just would not all stay on the cart. I would go six feet, and one would topple off. I'd get almost there and a little one would lightly hit the cement, or one of the huge ones would make an obnoxiously loud smack. After awhile I started to ignore the falling ones because it was frustrating me so much and I just didn't care anymore...but then I told myself how it is so important to do the job right and go and pick up every one. Don't expect someone else to do it.

Don't leave a single one behind.

God used it as the world's lamest illustration for me, and it really hit home. I am not called to leave ANYONE behind, even when I feel they might leave me behind without a second thought. I need to do my best to help everyone feel loved and wanted, and then trust God to do the rest. Fortunately, unlike the stupid boxes, it isn't too hard of a job! I adore every single dancer, and hold out hope that fall will be a time of renewal and a chance to really connect with each and every one.

P.S....The dumpster is WAY too far away from the church....