When I Was One, I Had Just Begun.....

Today my baby turned one. It was a pretty quiet day - meeting daddy at work for lunch, eating a first cupcake, wearing a homemade birthday crown....it was a special, family-only day, which is probably the complete opposite of what Saturday's birthday party will be, which will also be special in completely different ways.

I really wanted to start a birthday tradition for Sam this year, but the day zoomed by so quickly, I barely had time to think. We don't have a lot of money for gifts or trips, we don't really have one particular culture or heritage - I just couldn't think of any sort of special thing that could just be for us. Then I decided that, following in the tradition of everything else I've ever done in my life, I would write down the past year and save it for Sam to read someday. Then on his 18th birthday, he will have a book of letters from mom. I am not sure how he'll feel about this, as he is a boy and boys are not nearly as sappy as girls, but I hope he will be able to sit down in a quiet place each year and read the letters, realizing how much he means to me - to us - to so many others he is going to bless.

Last July 16th, I had just undergone a C-section and friends and family were coming to visit, as I was half loopy from painkillers and half jealous that so many were meeting the baby before I got to. I nagged the labor and delivery nurses until they finally relented and let me go down the hall to the NICU even though I could barely walk.

1 pound 14 ounces is small. I mean, obviously I knew it was small before I met Sam, but it seems even smaller when you see this complete little person, laying there and being positively tiny. But when he grasped my finger for the first time, I knew that he was going to make it and I would try my best to believe in him- and he did it! I have a lot of residual feelings and emotions from having a baby born over 2 months early and watching him go through multiple surgeries and other challenges. I've written a bit about it in the past, and I guess I always supposed I would write something really lengthy someday - but in writing Sam's letter, I found myself focusing more on memories like first Christmas, first swim, first visit to church, etc. more than I focused on damaged intestinal walls and failure to thrive. I thank God those things come to mind first.

Sam has more friends than I do. He is totally "the people's baby," and he makes friends wherever we go. And yet he's also really sweet and shy - he does well with others and yet has this sensitive little heart - he is going to make a big difference in the world someday, and I think for some reason that goes beyond my mother bias.

Happy Birthday, Samasaurus. Thanks for sticking around - we sure do like you.