Can't Get Enough of You, Boy.

Today was a crazy day. Sarita is here, visiting from Trinidad, and so we (the dancers) have been taking turns showing her the sights. Today my assignment was to take her to the Jelly Belly Factory in Fairfield, and then off to the mall to find shirts for our worship dance on Sunday. We decided to get lunch in between, and wanted to check Mongolian BBQ off of the list of "must eats" I wrote for her before she arrived. She's so committed to pigging out while in America that she is even taking a special vitamin to make herself hungry and I am impressed by her culinary tenacity. I didn't want to disappoint.

Minerva led us to what was allegedly a Mongolian BBQ, but instead was a shopping center devoid of any restaurants. We settled for a 2nd best option of regular Chinese food that was again, allegedly two miles away, but Minerva was once again a liar as she led us to the address of a THAI restaurant. Dejected, we settled for Texas BBQ (not the same as Mongolian BBQ AT ALL!!!!) and as we trudged into the restaurant, we ran into Jen and Will....and Will saved our sad stomachs by letting us know about an amazing Chinese restaurant down the street, that he then proceeded to confirm by phone that it not only existed and was open, but yes they did serve Chinese food.

Woot!

So today we learned how jelly beans were made, got our Chinese food, got our shirts and cute hair flowers, and listened to Caribbean music. Then at night I went to the church to put up our super awesome mid-Winter service decor with Brandi. The whole day and evening was really, really fun.

But all day long, Sam was with me. And at the end of the day, I realized my heart was broken, because he was the most patient little boy, going with us everywhere without a fuss. And the amount of attention he got was minimal - I talked to him at the jelly bean factory, showing him how things worked, and he got to run the length of the Chinese restaurant because the owners thought he was adorable - but that was pretty much it.

I know taking Sarita around is the exception to the rule and that's okay....but for the rest of my life, I find myself caught between two worlds. The one where I love full time ministry with my whole heart, and I'm happier than I've ever been.....and the one where I just miss my little boy all the time when I have to be gone all day and night, and I just want to take a break from everything and be 100% mommy.

My most important ministry in life will be my children - and Sam is a great choice. His sweetness, his snuggles, his little hands and big eyes - he is so precious and perfect to me, and I feel like I'm missing things. I understand the angst of working moms now, and I worry that I am making bad decisions. And yet they also feel so right.

Little Sam, I wish you could go everywhere with me, but if you did, you would enjoy the ride as much as I am. It may be time after these two years are through, to go along for your ride instead.