Year in Review - Part 1

Ladies and gentlemen!

Hello and welcome to December 30, 2009. While Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day are my favorite holidays, 4th of July and New Year's are my most despised. Especially New Years.

But this year was different. 2008 was my throw up from stress year, full of unpredictability and feeling as if I had no idea where I was stepping next until I was already there.....but 2009 was blessed. Joyful. Victorious. Wonderful.

2009, I love you and am sad to see you go. Here are our fun times as BFFs - this year and me :)


Sam's baby dedication was a happy day. It was one of the first times I held him in my arms confident that we had made it. He was healthy, adorable, and endlessly happy.


And his NICU nurses came too, for a lovely reunion.


Project 365 was not what I expected it to be at all. But I love the memories of it because it is a time where I grew a lot in ministry. This was the spring where we performed a beautiful outreach show, and I officially got my tough skin.


I got to go to Little Rock! To see the Bertholics! And learn to be a more effective missionary! And eat at the world's greatest pizza buffet! I heart Arkansas!


The March of Dimes March for Babies. Go, former preemies, go! Thank you God, for the angels who cared for our little one, and the others who are still living in NICUs today. This is Sam with his cousin Kayla at the Capitol steps after the walk.


My last time working with the C.A.E. kids - and grateful that the Lord provided a strong, competent, loving leader in Alisha for their future <3

We also had our first outreach performing arts summer camp. Oh my goodness. I think I am still tired.


Our return trip to Trinidad. Where my skin got even tougher.


And the team broke my bed :)


This 4th of July was different from the past. This one was pure joy. And I love this picture. ;)


Sam's first birthday. And those who love us.


Warm autumn days at Apple Hill.


Cherishing special moments with family.


Dressing up as pirates = diving into my future of having a little boy.


Sushi, how I love thee.


The oddness that is always the holidays.


Our dear Caribbean friend, Sarita, is here visiting California for the first time right now, ringing in the New Year with us.



Here's to 2010. I'll blog once more before midnight. But here's my almost goodbye, and I am so looking forward to the future. <3

Back From Florida

On Christmas Day, we returned home from our week long Florida adventure. We went to celebrate Frank's parents' 40th wedding anniversary, and we did it with a bang! From fancy dinners to an exclusive boat outing to see Disney World fireworks, we had a great time and I am thankful to God for providing the right timing and everything else we needed to all go as a family to the OTHER Happiest Place on Earth and have a great, relaxing time :)

Sam and U Chun both got 1st visit pins for their inaugural trip to Disney World


And we enjoyed a dinner at Emeril's Orlando restaurant at Universal's CityWalk to celebrate the anniversary. Check out the menu:

Cinderella's castle is my official favorite Christmas decoration of 2009. Stunning: Sam and Grandpa were sure to get matching hats for the big week:
And then we got to be pirates, meeting Captain Hook and setting sail for a fireworks voyage:


We got crazy and climby at EPCOT:

Our boat's view of the fireworks:
And Sam just missed the Spectacle of Dancing Lights. But his feet saw it:

Family holiday portrait Take 1: And 2:


And three :) Happy holidays, everyone!

With a Clear Heart and Mind

This week I had to make some really tough decisions.

The decisions are probably not what a lot of people expect, and are also things that some people will never know about my thoughts and feelings toward various parts life right now.

This week there have been people who have tried to get into my head regarding certain portions of my life for the wrong reasons - concerned for their own best interests, general curiosity, other agendas that have been more than easy to see through.

There was also a time that was supposed to bring me a little bit of shallow comfort - a person out of a group of friends that would be a time to reconnect and talk with again like old times - but in reality she hardly gave me the time of day, and the moral of the story is that earthly comforts never turn out to be quite the way they were hoped. And our only true assurance is in Christ.

Sometimes I appear aloof in ministry, or probably a better description would be dull-witted. I have days where I forget choreography, where I struggle to find the right words to say in front of a group of over 30 participants that range in age from 12-50, not to mention all of the parents I interact with in the children's program and the strangers I need to make connections with during outreach, missions trips and planning meetings. I can mess up. I can make mistakes.

However, I am not as dull as I look. I have made some decisions this year that I choose to look at as ways God has grown me, toughened me up, and made me wiser in my old age:

- I am not perfect. I will make mistakes, I will appear human, and the more I am human with humbleness and truth, the brighter Christ will shine.

- I am aware there are people within dance ministry who are not there for Jesus. They are there because their friends are, because they like the opportunity to be a top dog, where they wouldn't be if they danced elsewhere because the competition isn't super high within TP, and I have people who have absolutely broken my heart with unfair judgments and unwise decisions.

- I choose to commit to a 50/50 split: 50% = loving those aforementioned individuals and showing them grace. And if they need me to continue to act oblivious to what their agenda is, and to show them unconditional love in a way that won't damage the ministry...I can do that joyfully. 50% = focusing on the MAJORITY of the group that is there for the right reasons - to dance for God, to love one another, and to reach the world for Him.

- I can pray and continue to wait on the Lord without being totally stupid. Sometimes people outside of the "Christian bubble" claim that faith is a sign of weakness...but it can be also a remarkable sign of strength. I trust that my God has me where He wants me, and that I will go where He sends me when the time is perfect.

- I have an assurance in God and in myself that just because I forget things sometimes, or just because people think they can do things better than me sometimes, that my heart is pure and my mind is clear - and I am perfect for where my Father wants me.

And the rest is just something to discover. And to rejoice.

It's Raining Sets and Costumes

This week, dance ministry blessings flowed....

On Monday evening, Frank, Sarah, Nichole and I trekked 45 minutes away to the middle of nowhere town of Winters to get Cinderella sets and costumes. They had agreed to loan us their set pieces, and they are so pretty!

A preview:



That's it. That's all you get - come see the show!

Then, the first four dancers got to go try on ball gowns. Alexandria's Formal is being so amazing to us - providing us dresses for incredibly cheap, and letting the younger girls play! They get to try on dresses, jewelry, gloves, etc. and dream up their own look for ballroom dancing.


Some of the younger dancers got to go first.

So all of the dancers unanimously agreed to have eight performances instead of four, so our 4 special outreach shows are happening! I am way excited and know God will do incredible things.

Other than that, life chugs along. Sam can walk a lot more now - still only when he wants to, but progressing more and more everyday. You can see it in his eyes...he's focused on one long jaunt around the house one day soon. Aim high, little buddy, dream big.

We leave for Florida in 9 days and then it will be Christmas!



Life is nice!

Snow?!

I looked at the weather this morning:



I have circled tomorrow's report for dramatic emphasis.

SNOW?!?!?!?!?

It never snows here! I've been in snow maybe 3 or 4 times in my life!

Crazy world, crazy world.

But I'm excited! Pull through, God!! :)

Ministry Revelation While Almost Running Over a 6th Grader

The beautiful Valero family, who run a daycare out of their home, has welcomed Sam and given him as much love as I think is humanly possible. (except mommy love, of course!) When I drop him off in the morning, I drive right past a middle school, and there's always a flood of students wandering aimlessly through the street, waiting until that first bell rings to trudge into class.

Usually I get really annoyed because accidentally running over an 11 year old with my car is not how I ideally want to start out my day.

But then God gave me a new thought.

What if every single one of the girls at Cooley Middle School could be invited to our spring production for free? And the ones at Buljan? And Woodcreek? And Roseville? And the homeless women who live at the Gathering Inn? What if we could somehow get an invitation out to every 6th through 12th grade girl, plus struggling women and their children?

I have no idea if all the dancers will agree to this, but the few that I have spoken with have totally green lighted it. We would have to do 8 shows instead of 4, and those extra four would be free of charge and totally, 100% outreach driven. Because really, what better production for a roomful of females than Cinderella?

With prayer, strategic planning, and the commitment of all 30 cast members and their families, we could share the message of Christ to an additional 1,000 women in the region this spring, and give them a message of hope and encouragement. And let them know that God sure does like them an awful lot.

Maybe this is why the Lord provided an almost free theatre for us, when nothing else in the entire universe was available for booking. Even though it's small and not impressive in the least, maybe God planted us here for this sort of purpose. So we could run a gauntlet of performances and altar calls. There is no way we could do this financially anywhere else.

And now, suddenly, it is overwhelmingly simple and reasonable to do our regular 4 performances, plus 4 for free - for these kids and these women.....wow. Seriously, what if?

Encouragement

Every month in dance we put on a "creative chapel", where rehearsal shuts down, the leadership picks a theme for the evening, and we worship, pray, play games, and just hang out. It's a pretty important time we added this season because we have so many different ages and backgrounds in our ministry right now.

This month's theme was "encouragement", and we threw in a pajama party as an added twist. It turned out to be a really special night. Haley came up with a game where everyone sat in a circle and complimented/encouraged the person next to them. I think that the dancers could have gone all night long saying nice things about each other, and swapping encouraging stories.

It really blessed my heart. <3
And it gave me an idea. It is probably a little bit insane. And the dancers will be EX-HAUS-TED, but if everyone agrees to it - I think it just may be something magical.

Stay tuned.


Encouragement circle


Talking to God


Both new to Turning Point this year, but they've known each other since they were 3.


That is our cutie patootie Cinderella in the background


Haley can kick her head


<3

On Being Determined

Sam took his first steps on Thanksgiving. My mom was thrilled, because she doesn't get to experience many "firsts" due to distance, and I breathed a sigh of relief. There haven't been any more steps since, but lots of wobbles and independent standing and a pensive look on his face proving he's considering more toddles. And for whatever reason, whenever we ask him to take some steps, he does this combination hyperventilating/crack up laughing routine that is beyond my understanding.

As always, there continues to be a correlation between my silly little boy and ministry life. It makes more and more sense to me every day why God says we must have faith like a little child. (Matthew 18). Because if we don't learn to laugh when things get difficult, then we might all just go crazy.

There have been rumblings in my heart to do more. An odd conversation erupted during the church staff meeting a couple of weeks ago, and the tail end of it led to a brief moment of my being more transparent than usual about my broken heart for the homosexual community. How passionate I am about how miserably they've been treated - and how I am hungry to find solutions and ways to show them God's love. The real God - not the one that they may have unfortunately experienced.

I want to work with rape survivors. Dance and movement has such a healing way of helping people who have been assaulted, abused, etc. It gives them control back - allows them to feel ownership of their body again. When those things happen to you, you never fully recover - but how lovely it would be to use my ministry goals as a way to bring just a bit more comfort and healing to those who need it so much.

I'm desiring spending more time in the trenches and gutters in this world - not literally, obviously, but working with those who need love and have been left loveless for whatever reason.

And while all of this thinking is well and good, I need to embark on these things for the right reason. Right now one of my motivations is the fact it's getting more and more difficult for me to minister to the middle class.

I've desired for over four years for the dance ministry to be 100% sold out for God. And I truly believe every single dancer loves Jesus and wants to serve him. But "want" and "willing" are very different things. This is the big lesson I've learned the past couple of months.

I've said it repeatedly - performing arts ministry is so very dangerous of a thing because there is a very fine line between performing and ministering. Sometimes the line is outright invisible. And right now, it feels that some of the girls have forgotten there was ever a line at all.

It's obvious in their church attendance. Their choreography. Their priorities. And while there are definitely a lot of good seeds (they are ALL good seeds - just a lot are forgetting who they are called to be right now), I am just finding myself frustrated and tired.

I love God and am grateful for the 100,000 ways he blesses creative arts ministry every day, and I will stand firm that He has me where He wants me. But come on, middle class, it's time to step up. There are a whole lot of people who need God's love and a whole lot of people who are waiting for their chance to be whole.

So let's go to New York to get down into those trenches - not because we've always wanted to see a Broadway show.

Let's attend church regularly so that choreography and vision align with the ministry.

Let's realize that nobody will die if we do not text message during rehearsals.

Let's seek God in a way that some of us have always dreamed. And not be afraid to allow Him to take us to those new heights.