Flabbergasted

The posters for Cinderella Reimagined are hung. The postcards have been designed and ordered. And I put out an ad notifying the local community about our free outreach shows. That was at 11pm last night.

Today, by noon, 95 of the tickets for the outreach productions have been reserved. This isn't a fly by the seat of your pants reservation system - people have to contact us through our ad, read a disclaimer and info sheet, click on a registration link, and provide their home address, email, and names and ages of any children in attendance.

The response has been remarkable. These people are being prayed for and followed up upon. We are going to have kids and adults prayer teams, and other resources at the show such as a food closet and counseling services.

And with a prayer and an Internet post, the people are responding. One quarter of what we have space for in only 12 hours.

What. The. Heck.

Thanks God!

A Beautiful Do Nothing Day

Yesterday I had absolutely nothing important to do, and the weather outside was gorgeous. February through April is my window of time where I enjoy Sacramento - and it's been forever since I had nothing on my calendar. It will also be forever until sunshine and schedules align again, and so Sam and I enjoyed the day.

We "painted" with water:


Attempted finger painting:


Went for a walk around our neighborhood:





Found a worm:


A couple of days before, we discovered a newfound love for bubbles:







It was a sweet few days. I love February :) <3

How Sam Went Nuts, and Other Stories....

Wednesday is my favorite day of the week. Especially this time of year, when I can see red balloons and heart shaped boxes of candy in the store windows as I drive in the NO LONGER FLIPPING FREEZING weather to the church. I (usually) love my weekly meeting with Pastor Scott, always get to have lunch with one of my favorite friends, and best of all I get the chance to recenter, refocus, and catch up on my life.

However - when you have a small child, never make plans.

Right after lunch at our favorite Mongolian BBQ dive with absolutely dreadful customer service, Nichole and I were in the car when the sweet woman who watches Sam for me on Wednesdays called in a panic. She said she had given Sam lunch, and now he was breaking out in a horrible rash and was struggling to breathe and would I please come right away?

Not what a mommy wants to hear in the middle of her lovely Wednesday, and sure enough, when I picked him up, he was wheezing, coughing and sobbing - covered from head to toe in hives. We rushed him to the hospital, and in transition I got a list from freaked out babysitter as to what he had eaten that day.

Drum roll please......peanut butter! Oh, how proud and horrified I was - just like his mother, he is officially doomed to a life devoid of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and any food "processed in a factory that may contain nuts."
(aka EV-ER-Y-THING!!!!!)

So for those of you who wonder what happens with a new found peanut allergy, I present the following visual:

Playing with the defibrillator:


Sad Sam with his impressively nasty rash:


Then Nichole surrendered her Blackberry, and suddenly life was okay again:




One injection, two oral meds, and three prescriptions later - we left the ER. They even hooked him up to a monitor for awhile, just like the good ol' times in the NICU.

Poor Frank. He was so hoping for a buddy to eat Peanut Butter Captain Crunch with.

In other news, we had a GREAT rehearsal last night, and managed to get a picture with most of our cast. There are about 5 missing from this shot, so um, yes please pray for me. :)



What a roomful of jewels though - they are just so amazing, there aren't words. Well there are....COME SEE OUR SHOW IN APRIL!

My second favorite holiday is on Sunday, and I made some treats for my fellow church staffers and our marriage group. I am pretty dang proud of them.

Rice krispy treats, pink & red M&Ms, Devil's food cupcakes, and happy heart cookies:)

All boxed and ready to go!

A Hurting Heart 101

If you are a long time reader of my blog, you know that when I was in college, I received a healing from God. In my 20+ (oh my gosh, wow, really- yep, since I was 8) years of dealing with this mess, there was a night where the Lord really met me and a group of praying friends. It literally felt that night as if Satan's best taunters and teasers packed up camp and left out the front door. Since then I have never been hospitalized again, I've rarely been on medication, and my life has been healthy enough to hold down jobs, lead a ministry, have a happy marriage and be a mom.

But to say there haven't been struggles would be a big whopping lie. There are still countless days that I have to fight with my entire being to get out of bed. There is still a sting from relationships that have long been dead in the grave due to things I did. Sometimes friendships fade or grow apart, and sometimes it's like its heads are chopped off because you angered someone to the point of no return. That's what happens - people don't understand, you don't dare explain, and then you drag around this carcass of regret everywhere you go. For the stupid things you said, the stupid things you did, etc.

Stupid Facebook. I hate you.

One evening several weeks ago, one of my dancers came up to me, excitedly telling me some story about something in her life, but her lead in was "hey remember that time you had cuts all over your arms and you couldn't remember how they got there?"

My heart sank that I had played dumb that day, and even though it was probably more than appropriate she will never know the truth, it is still such a burden to hide so often.

When people pray for me, they often ask God to help me find the "root of the issue", and sometimes I pray for that, too. And other times I just accept and embrace the fact that I have a medical condition that others around me do not, and that just like a stuffy nose or a sprained ankle - sometimes my brain clogs or breaks, and there is nothing I can do except wait it out and try to ignore everything I'm feeling.

I have had some wild things happen to me in my life - I understand that certain traumas or incidents can throw one further down into darkness...but this is different. It's been with me forever. This dark cloud that doctors call clinical and pew warmers call unconfessed sin. And someday, when I stand before God, I'll probably learn it's somewhere in between.

Until then, I will just continue to stuff and stuff things down, and while I'll always hope for the opportunity to talk and pray with someone, it's just too hard now to confide in problem solvers or sit with someone who just plain thinks I am a crazy whiner.

But in case someone else is reading this who is hurting too.....know that I understand. And it all totally bites.

And if you're the friend or family member of someone like me - I have no good advice. I can't ever bring myself to Google the pain and unfairness of mental illness.

So....just tell them you love them.

And I Hope These Things You'll Love

February is here, and in only 15 days, you will be nineteen months old. I can't even fathom the possibility of this - time is going by so quickly - everything seems to be in both fast forward and slow motion simultaneously, and even though that's a bit disconcerting, I am grateful that your life is here.

As you get ready to enter your nineteenth month of life, here are 19 things I love that I hope someday you'll love, too.

1) Rain on windows - the way the waterdrops tap dance against the glass, a soothing song that you may find to be the perfect backdrop for reading, writing or praying.

2) Sushi - which you're going to have to love when you're big enough to eat it, because we already take you with us all the time. :)

3) Hawaii - the mountain mist, the perfect snow cone, ultimate contentment in flip flops.

4) Good worship music. Really good worship music - the way your heart fills up to bursting at the excitement over what you're hearing is only a preview of how Heaven will sound.

5) A great exploring spot - for me and your Aunt Becky, it was the creek behind our elementary school, down the street from Grandma's house. For you it may be your backyard when it's finished, or the field behind the church. Wherever you choose where you can be a pirate or a cowboy, a great adventurer or a quiet ponderer.

6) Swimming pools - the splash of summer, diving under into a green-blue haze where the world is muffled but the sun above still feels brilliant and free of responsibility.

7) Christmas afternoon - the presents are all opened, dinner is cooking, and all is sweet and quiet.

8) Anywhere but here - the tremendous gift of travel. The ability to discover first hand how different we are, and yet we're all the same. The fun of new foods, a different smell in the air, seeing life from a new (and better) perspective.

9) Disneyland - fireworks and Mickey Mouse, root beer floats and wide eyes at parades. I've already gotten to experience this with you <3>

10) The first sign of spring - a flower, a gentle breeze, a blue sky, the first time you run outside to play and forget about your jacket.

11) Stories - I love reading to you, and you seem to love being read to. So far, so good. I can't wait for this to be a bedtime ritual in our house.

12) Honesty - I hope you will cherish the truth, and that others around you will honor you with such.

13) A friend you can tell anything to - You will find this to be of huge value sometimes, even on the days it feels as if no one is listening.

14) The ocean - You are growing up in California. Take advantage of it. Allow it to let you feel small, so you can experience how big God is.

15) Cheesecake.

16) Forgiveness. And the blessed ability to fully forgive others.

17) Your Nonna's recipes - I am paying close attention to her in the kitchen, because I know someday I'm going to have to try my best to capture the essence of them and hope to cook them for your kids someday, too.

18) Your job. - Whatever you end up doing, whoever you end up being - I pray that you will be happy. Your daddy and I cheated fate - we are both doing pretty much exactly what we hoped to do "when we grew up", and I wish the same for you.

19) Yourself. - Always love and be proud of who you are. Because you, my little boy, are a handsome and remarkable little creature.